Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 2150
by Poor Richard
Summary: The NX-101 Enterprise crew go on Whose Line is it anyway in 2150.
1. Episode 1: Newcasters + Party Quirks

Title: Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 2150  
  
Genre: Humor  
  
Main Characters: N/A  
  
Series: Whose Line Is It Anyway? / Enterprise Cross-over  
  
Disclaimer: Whose Line is owned by ABC, BBC, and any other acronyms I forgot to mention. Paramount Pictures and Viacom own Enterprise. That's all. I think.  
  
*Scene: A crowded filming studio, just like the one used to film the American Whose Line show.  
  
Admiral Forest: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, Starfleet edition! This is the show where the points don't matter. Just like money today! It's January 29th, 2150, and here are today's guests. Remember, these guests have never met before. Except the cheesy Floridian and the British guy. Today's guests are: Malcolm Reed, British artillery expert. Captain Jonathan Archer, future captain of the Enterprise, now under construction. The alien Dr. Phlox of San Francisco Medical. And the Vulcan T'Pol, liaison to the Vulcan ambassador!  
  
T'Pol: I do not see the point of this trivial 'game' you human's play.  
  
Admiral Forest: Too bad! You've already been assigned this mission to improve human-Vulcan relations. Our first game is: Newscasters! You all have envelopes next to you showing your job and quirk. Please get set-up.  
  
~Everyone gets into his or her places~  
  
~Newscast music comes on~  
  
Jonathan: Hello, this is the 1800 Hours News! I'm your head anchor, Jonathan Archer. In recent news, the Vulcans blew up our moon when they discovered that Neil Armstrong 'illogically' placed a flag on the surface. Also, it has been discovered by Starfleet scientists that Vulcan ears are sharp enough to be used as can-openers. In civilian news, it has been discovered, through countless years of research, that Al Gore did win the election by 3 votes. Al Gore, now incapacitated to a hospital bed, has said he'll take office immediately. Let's talk to our political analysis, Mr. Malcolm Reed, about this astonishing turn of events.  
  
~Camera turns to Reed. In front of him is the caption, 'Peace Loving Hippy'~  
  
Reed: ~In weird Hippy/British accent~ Them Vulcans shouldn't be using any bloody weapons, my dude. We need to protect our natural satellites like George Bush protected the Star Wars program for 30 years. Uh…oh what the hell, I give up. I'm sick and tired of doing fake accents. First the British accent, then this stupid Hippy accent! I'm out of here!  
  
~Reed stomps out of the studio~  
  
Archer: Okay…well, let's go to Dr. Phlox, covering the latest sports.  
  
~Camera turns to Phlox. Caption reads, 'Graduated from University of Mexico'~  
  
Phlox: First, let's cover soccer! That's the sport of my country, of course! Unfortunately, it isn't soccer season. So let's cover the next closest thing, American football! Today, the San Francisco 47'ers beat the Oakland Nausicans 4-to-7! Also, the Seattle Space-Hawks beat the New England Positrons by 0-47 by employing their newly invented 'Parallel Lines' technique. Speaking of techniques and football, your game of football reminds me of one Donobulan mating ritual employed back on my home planet. It involved two groups of 11 people, of which-  
  
Archer: Okay, I think that's enough, Mr. Phlox! Now, let's get the weather from T'Pol!  
  
~Camera shifts to T'Pol, wearing traditional Vulcan robes. Caption reads, 'Seven of Nine wannabe'~  
  
~T'Pol walks of stage, and comes back wearing her very tight cat-suit~  
  
T'Pol: Today's weather includes rain in most areas north of San Francisco, drought in the East, and sunshine to the south. In the city, expect cloudy days with heavy smog in the mornings.  
  
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ Well, that's the end of the first game. 500 points to Archer for driving away Reed, and a million points to T'Pol for changing into the cat-suit. Now, we're missing a player. But don't worry, we have another one. Presenting, Space-dock engineer Trip Tucker!  
  
~Trip walks in, sees T'Pol in the cat suit, and sits by her~  
  
Trip: Hey sexy, how about we get together some time?  
  
~T'Pol gives Trip a nerve-pinch~  
  
Admiral Forest: Ow, I should have seen that coming. Oh well, we still have another player!  
  
~Teamsters drag away Trip~  
  
Admiral Forest: Presenting linguistic expert Hoshi Sato!  
  
~Hoshi runs out and sits down~  
  
Admiral Forest: We'll be back after this commercial break!  
  
*Scene: A sunny beach  
  
Announcer: Do you feel lonely? Do you anyone important in your life? Well if you don't, it may be time to join the interplanetary dating service!  
  
Phlox: ~Sitting in bathing suit~ I joined the interplanetary dating service, and now I have 3 wives!  
  
~Several Vulcans, humans, and Risans walk by in bathing suits~  
  
Announcer: The one for you could be a few light-years away!  
  
*Scene: Back in the filming studio.  
  
Admiral Forest: All right, the next game we'll be playing is…Part Quirks! T'Pol, you're the party host. Everyone else, your descriptions are next to you. And by the way, we managed to revive Trip. Because the viewers think Trip is funnier then Phlox, we're going to kick you out Phlox.  
  
Phlox: Aw man…  
  
~Phlox walks away~  
  
~T'Pol stands up on stage~  
  
T'Pol: I should prepare the imaginary bean-dip…  
  
~Door-bell rings~  
  
~Archer walks in. Caption appears, 'Talking potato'~  
  
T'Pol: How may I help you?  
  
~Archer sits down and scrunches body into ball~  
  
Archer: Yes, I would like some firm soil.  
  
T'Pol: May I offer you a carrot stick?  
  
Archer: Take your Vulcan vegetable and bury it!  
  
~Door-bell rings~  
  
~Trip walks in. Caption says, 'Civil War yank'~  
  
Trip: Oh my gawd, rebs! From Florida! Let's shoot him!  
  
Archer: Ahhh!  
  
~Archer rolls across floor, away from Trip~  
  
T'Pol: I had the same reaction when I first met the captain behind stage.  
  
~Doorbell rings. Meanwhile, Trip chasses Archer around~  
  
~Hoshi walks in. Caption says, 'Highly paranoid'~  
  
T'Pol: How may I help you?  
  
Hoshi: You Vulcans! You blew up our moon! You must be plotting an evil conspiracy with the yanks!  
  
Trip: Who are accusing of plotting with Vulcans?!  
  
Hoshi: Uh…uh…oh no! I don't know any lines! I can't do this! Ahhhh!  
  
~Hoshi runs of stage crying~  
  
Trip: Are you Vulcans plottin' with them southern rebels?  
  
T'Pol: No. And you are obviously trying to act as an American 1860's Civil War character.  
  
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~  
  
~Trip goes and sits down~  
  
T'Pol: Captain, would you like some French fries?  
  
Archer: Ahhhhh! You savage!  
  
T'Pol: You must be imitating an Earth-potato with the ability to communicate.  
  
Admiral Forest: ~buzz~ That was very good! T'Pol, you get a million points for figuring those out. And Hoshi gets –500 points for running of and crying.  
  
~The audience can now hear Hoshi's crying in the background~  
  
Admiral Forest: Thank you everyone, T'Pol wins with 2 million points, followed by Archer with 500 points, followed by Trip with 0 points, and Hoshi with –500 points! Goodnight everyone!  
  
*Credits begin rolling. Trip and Jon stand in front of a TV  
  
Admiral Forest: I want you to read the credits like Archer getting beat up!  
  
~Trip punches Archer~  
  
Trip: Where is the stash of gold!?!  
  
Archer: I already told you; we came here on a mission of peace!  
  
Trip: I want names of Sulliban refuges!  
  
~Hits Archer~  
  
Archer: Fine! James Forest! Scott Bacula!  
  
Trip: More, like your buddy Bragga!  
  
Archer: Rick Berman! Uh…Jonathan Frank!  
  
~Trip hits Archer again~  
  
~Hoshi and T'Pol come and help beat up Archer~  
  
Archer: David Samuel! Ahh! Not the Vulcan! Ahh!  
  
~Final credit rolls, Paramount symbol is shown~ 


	2. Episode 2: The Alphabet Game Questions ...

Title: Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 2150  
  
Genre: Humor  
  
Main Characters: N/A  
  
Series: Whose Line Is It Anyway? / Enterprise Cross-over  
  
Disclaimer: Enterprise is owned by Paramount, which is owned by Viacom, which may or may not of been bought out by Time-Warner as of this time. Whose Line is owned by BBC and ABC, which are owned by BBC and Disney, either of which may or may not of been bought out by Time-Warner as of this time.  
  
*Scene: A crowded film studio with gold-yellow walls, just like the studio were the American Whose Line Is It Anyway? is filmed.  
  
Admiral Forrest: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Starfleet edition! I'm your host, Admiral Forrest. Here are today's guests: (~Camera pans past each guest~) The owner of the worlds biggest cheese wheel...Trip Tucker! Mr. I-like-abusive-chicks, Jonathan Archer! The tightest cat-suit within 5 light-years...the Vulcan T'Pol! Also, today we have a special guest...David Duchovny! (The crowd starts clapping hysterically.) So, David, how has your career been going?  
  
David: Well, after the X-Files got cancelled, I started barely making a living by working sci-fi conventions. (~All the other guests shutter.~) When the recession hit, attendance dropped, so I had to leave a resume on Monsters.com and cryogenically freeze myself, so once I found a job, I would automatically wake-up.  
  
Forrest: Oh good, how did that work out?  
  
David: Actually...this is my first gig in about one and a half centuries.  
  
Forrest: Haha. Anyway, our first game is...The Alphabet game! This one is for three contestants, Jon, T'Pol, and David. The goal is to carry on a conversation in 60 seconds, but every sentence must start with the next letter of the alphabet after the one from the first sentence...it's simple enough. David and T'Pol are two government agents who have to convince a mad scientist, Jon, to help them save the world from an asteroid. Now, could I get a letter from the audience?  
  
Audience: L! A! Z! T!  
  
Forrest: Alright, T! Now, please begin!  
  
T'Pol: Terminate your resistance and assist us.  
  
Jon: R...S...T...U! okay...You leave me alone! (~Buzzer~) Oh, okay...unite me with my family, and maybe I will! David: Very sorry sir, but your family's dead. T'Pol: Which is your choice, die or help?  
  
Jon: Xenophobic, isn't she?  
  
David: You tell me.  
  
T'Pol: Zebras, Pandas, Humans, all will go extinct.  
  
Jon: Annoying too.  
  
David: But she's hot...  
  
T'Pol: Cease your off-track conversation!  
  
Jon: Dead sexy, but she's got a dead personality.  
  
David: Every now and then, I like a gal like that...  
  
T'Pol: F(~Buzzer~) you!  
  
Jon: Good, she does have personality.  
  
David: Heavenly body, don't forget...  
  
T'Pol: I'm telling you, get back on track!  
  
Jon: Joking, okay? Jeeze.  
  
David: Kill it, lets just play.  
  
T'Pol: Logic is needed. You must help us.  
  
Jon: Methinks I might be suicidal...  
  
David: No, you have to help!  
  
T'Pol: Open your mind to logic.  
  
Jon: Please drop it! I don't want to.  
  
David: Q-It-Up!  
  
T'Pol: Resistance is futile...  
  
Jon: Shut up, you broke continuity! Admiral Forest: (~Ding! Ding! Ding!~) Congratulations! That was just under 59 seconds. 2150 points to Archer for raping that up in time, and -47 points to T'Pol for trying to stop the conversation about her. Now we'll interrupt this show for a commercial break...  
  
*Scene: A Cryogenic chamber.  
  
~David Duchovny walks out of a cryogenic tube, followed by billowing smoke.~  
  
David: I was down on my luck, and I couldn't find a new job. But then, I discovered Monster.com's cryogenic services. I got a new job in a synch...or at least from my perspective!  
  
~David jumps back inside a tube~  
  
David: (~Voice muted by the glass casing~) Watch my new appearance on Whose Line Is It Anyway? next Wednesday on ABC!  
  
*Scene: Back in the film studio.  
  
David: I feel so ashamed.  
  
Forrest: David, before we even begin the next game, I'm giving you -100 points.  
  
David: I think I might deserve it.  
  
Forrest: Anyway, are next game is...Questions! This is a game for all four contestants. You can only talk in questions. If you don't ask a question, you get rotated out.  
  
~Archer and T'Pol stand in front.~  
  
Jon: Why's a gal like you in a morgue like this?  
  
T'Pol: Why are you intruding upon my work space?  
  
Jon: How could I avoid you?  
  
~T'Pol slaps Jon~  
  
Jon: Oh ya, you're abusive too! (~Buzzer~)  
  
Trip: Where's the work order?  
  
T'Pol: Why do you keep bothering me?  
  
Trip: You're trying to make me jump through hoops, aren't you?  
  
T'Pol: That is illogical. (~Buzzer~) David: What are you doing here?  
  
Trip: What do you think I'm doing?  
  
David: How do I know you're being honest?  
  
Trip: Why can't you solve anything?  
  
David: Hey, they let us do a movie to find out, but... (~Buzzer~)  
  
Jon: Why aren't you working?  
  
Trip: What are you doing here?  
  
Jon: Isn't it my ship?  
  
Trip: What if it isn't anymore?  
  
Jon: Are you saying I'm a Sulliban? (~Buzzer~)  
  
Forrest: Sorry Jon, I had to do it, you can't go around breaking continuity. Anyway, 1,000 points to Trip for winning, and infinite points to the Vulcan consulate, just to piss them off. Now, we have another commercial break...  
  
*Scene: Vulcan desert. In the middle of the blaring sun, is a large amusement park. Micky mouse walks by, waving.  
  
Announcer: Time-Warner, the owner of Disney, announces the new Disney- Vulcan! Even Vulcan's have to have some fun!  
  
~Two Vulcans climb out of a small coaster car.~  
  
Vulcan #1: But it is not a small world...  
  
Announcer: Buy Time-Warner stock today!  
  
*Scene: Back in the film studio. Admiral Forrest is standing up on the stage.  
  
Forrest: Well, our winner was the Vulcan consulate, who gets to direct our next activity...  
  
~At the hosts desk, several Vulcan representatives sit around trying to puzzle over the meaning of infinity.~  
  
Forrest: So, our next game will be...Super-Party-Quirks(tm)! We call it Super-Party-Quirks(tm) because today, we will have a total of FOUR party guests...one extra guest for no extra cost! Anyway, everyone take your seats, I'll be your party host. ~Forrest stands up on stage.~  
  
Forrest: Cologne, check. Suit, check. Hairpiece, check....let's go girls.  
  
~Door-bell rings. Forrest answers it.~  
  
~T'Pol enters. Caption reads, 'Killer bee'.~  
  
Forrest: Oh, hell-lo!  
  
T'Pol: ~Buzz~  
  
Forrest: Sorry, what was that?  
  
T'Pol: ~Buzz~  
  
(T'Pol buzzes over to an audience member and gives them a vulcan nerve- pinch.)  
  
Forrest: Uh oh...  
  
~Door-bell rings. T'Pol the Killer Bee continues to attack audience members.~  
  
Forrest: I guess I'll have to talk to her behind stage later...  
  
~David enters. Caption reads, 'Fox Mulder'.~  
  
David: FBI. I heard a report about strange insects in your area.  
  
~Forrest points at T'Pol, who has already attacked several guests.~  
  
Forrest: Right over their...  
  
~Door-bell rings. Forrest answers it.~  
  
David: Don't worry, I have a fly-swatter.  
  
~Jon enters. Caption reads, 'Visiting the doctor'.~  
  
Forrest: Uh, hello...  
  
~Jon walks across the stage to the hardwood desk, and lays down in front of the Vulcan consulate. He then spreads open his legs.~  
  
Jon: I'm ready for my gyno.  
  
Forrest: Well, I'm sure you are Jon... ~Door-bell rings. Forrest answers it.~  
  
~Trip enters. Caption reads, 'Monkey trying to break open a nut'.~  
  
Forrest: Hello, sir, I...  
  
~Trip sees Archer lying on the hardwood desk. Archer sees Trip.~  
  
Archer: Oh, crap...  
  
~Trip runs across the stage in the style of a monkey. When he reaches the hardwood desk, he grabs Archers head and starts whacking it against the hardwood surface.~  
  
Archer: Ahh! Oww! Help me! My skull!  
  
Forrest: Uh, I'll deal with you later...  
  
~Forrest walks back to the audience area, were T'Pol continues to administer nerve pinches, and David is trying to swat her.~  
  
Forrest: Oh, I get it, you're a killer bee!  
  
Vulcan Consulate: ~Buzz.~  
  
T'Pol: ~Buzz.~...  
  
~T'Pol walks back to her seat. In the background we can hear Archer screaming.~  
  
David: Come on, let's go help him! The truth is out there!  
  
~David and Forrest run back to the hardwood desk on the stage, were Trip is bashing Jon's skull against the desk.~  
  
Trip: Oo oo! Ah ah!  
  
Forrest: Bad monkey! No smashing...uh...skulls...  
  
Jon: Oh god, the pain! Ahhhh! Help! The pain!  
  
Forrest: No smashing, uh, heads, nutheads...nuts! Monkey no smash nuts!  
  
Vulcan Consulate: ~Buzz.~  
  
~Trip gives the head one more satisfying whack, before he takes his seat.~  
  
David: It was an alien monkey! Forrest: All right, you're playing Fox Mulder. I see in 160 years you've never gotten a descent part.  
  
Vulcan Consulate: ~Buzz.~  
  
David: ~Sniff.~ You're right Admiral. This sucks. I'm going back into the cryochamber tomorrow...  
  
~David walks back to his seat, sniffing.~  
  
Jon: ~Gurgle.~  
  
~Forrest looks at the desk. There is blood, hair, and skin making a mess all over the hardwood. Not to mention Jon.~  
  
Forrest: Damn Jon, you want a doctor.  
  
Vulcan Consulate: ~Buzz.~  
  
Jon: ~Gurgle.~  
  
~Forrest sits Archer up and slaps him on the back.~  
  
Forrest: Good night everyone!  
  
~The credits begin to roll as Archer goes unconscious.~ 


End file.
